A follow-up on "To the wives and children of men who apostatize"

S.P.A.M. has been abuzz with activity coming from several anti-Mormon web sites for the past several days. The article "To the wives and children of men who apostatize" continues to make ripples on these sites. In turn, some of these malcontents have made their way to some pro-LDS discussion groups where they're trying to stir up a spirit of disunity. Nothing would make these exMormons and anti-Mormons happier than to watch members of the Church fall into emotionally-charged debates or scripture bashing with one another. The ones behind this are simply evil people, who thrive on contention seek to destroy the Church.

One of of the pro-LDS boards, there were some people who summarily made comments without reading my article. Others actually read the article and understood exactly what I was saying. Among the contentions that were strewn like tares among the wheat was that my opinions were completely contrary to the teachings of the Bible, particularly the Old Testament. Others claimed that they had never heard a general authority suggest divorce as an option and that the Church's leaders always try to save marriages instead of trying to terminate them. In these statements, there are subtle shadings of falsehood that are intended to deceive even the very elect.

In this article, I want to look at the scriptures that mention, provide a historical context, or give guidance in cases where religious and family obligations may come into conflict. I specifically searched through decades of Ensigns and conference talks as well as the Journal of Discourses via Gospellink.com. There is far more information that supports my position than I can possibly include here. I would encourage the reader to study the scriptures and to use good, reliable online search tools (not anti-Mormon websites) to find authentic counsel from the ancient and modern apostles and prophets on this matter.

The questions here to be considered are simple: When a conflict arises between the demands of a spouse, children, parents or other family members regarding one's faith and participation in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, what takes priority? God or family? Obviously, we are to love and serve our families, but is there a point where that obligation can be used by the Adversary to threaten your salvation? In that case, what is your obligation? The answers are not all that complicated.

Let's start out with families in general, then move on to married couples. Let's begin with the very first family on earth and the conflicts that arose between its members.

Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel

"And Adam knew his wife, and she bare unto him sons and daughters, and they began to multiply and to replenish the earth. And from that time forth, the sons and daughters of Adam began to divide two and two in the land, and to till the land, and to tend flocks, and they also begat sons and daughters. And Adam and Eve, his wife, called upon the name of the Lord, and they heard the voice of the Lord from the way toward the Garden of Eden, speaking unto them, and they saw him not; for they were shut out from his presence. And he gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firstlings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord. And Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord." (Moses 5:2-5)

Adam and Eve were "active" saints. They participated in the ordinances of the gospel. Adam held the Priesthood. They prayed. They offered sacriifices. They were obedient to God's commandments. They taught their children and shared their testimonies with them. As their children had their own agency, those teachings were not uniformly believed or put into practice.

"And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters. And Satan came among them, saying: I am also a son of God; and he commanded them, saying: Believe it not; and they believed it not, and they loved Satan more than God. And men began from that time forth to be carnal, sensual, and devilish." (Moses 5:12-13)

We know the story of Cain and Abel, but if we look at what occurred before Cain slew his brother, we see it was a case of apostasy. Cain fell away and began to practice an apostate religion with a corrupted practice of offering the fruits of the earth instead of a blood offering. The false ordinance was a counterfeit, a mockery of the true sacrifice commanded by God. The true ordinance symbolized the shedding of Christ's blood for sin. Cain's religious practice was inspired by his listening to Satan's voice.

"And Cain loved Satan more than God. And Satan commanded him, saying: Make an offering unto the Lord. And in process of time it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the Lord. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock, and of the fat thereof. And the Lord had respect unto Abel, and to his offering... "(Moses 5:18-20)

When the Lord rejected Cain's offering, Cain became angry at God and his brother. Bitterness and envy took hold. Cain was an ancient version of an "exMormon."

"And Cain was wroth, and listened not any more to the voice of the Lord, neither to Abel, his brother, who walked in holiness before the Lord. And Adam and his wife mourned before the Lord, because of Cain and his brethren. And it came to pass that Cain took one of his brothers’ daughters to wife, and they loved Satan more than God." (Moses 5:26-28)

I'm sure Adam's and Eve's hearts were broken, to lose part of their posterity, to have them turn away from God. Nevertheless, they did not forsake their covenant obligations, despite Cain's rejection. Was there an estrangement? It could not have been otherwise.

Other righteous patriarchs and their wives had family troubles. Noah cursed his son Ham. Without going into detail, we know that there were rivalries between Jacob and Esau. We know Esau did not value his birthright and Jacob sought it. We also know of the bitterness and envy that Jacob's sons had for Joseph. We are familiar with Joseph's faithfulness, even as a slave, a prisoner, and as a governing official in Egypt. We also read of his forgiving nature and his reconciliation with his brethren after many years had transpired. Certainly Nephi had his troubles with his brothers.

Obeying the Best Commandment

In each of these cases, the righteous members of these family had their faithfulness (as well as their compassion) tested by straying members of their families Like Adam in the Garden, sometimes the test is to choose between two commandments that seem to put us in conflict. In the ten commandments, there are two potentially conflicting principles:

"Thou shalt have ano other gods before me." (Exodus 20:3)

"Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." (Exodus 20:12)

The Lord commands us to allow nothing to come between us and him. Anything that supplants worship of the Most High God, the Father of Jesus Christ, can lead us into idolatry. We may not worship idols of wood or stone, but we must be careful not to let even our spouse or our family come between us and our Creator. Even Jesus himself was always careful to guide our devotions to his Father. A devoted mother can go so far as to allow her children to become the object of her veneration. A husband or wife may allow their righteous adoration for one another to supplant the adoration that rightfully belongs only to God.

Author and educator Joseph Fielding McConkie told of a young woman from India who he met at BYU. She wanted to be baptized into the Church, but her parents opposed her decision. They wanted her to honor her family's traditions and religion. They wanted her to return to India and enter into an arranged marriage. He father cleverly tried to manipulate her by using the commandments of God. He cited the requirement to honor her parents in Exodus as leverage to get her to acquiesce to his demands, which in essence, defied the commandment to have no other gods. Brother McConkie declined to give the young woman specific advice. She had two good choices to make. One would keep a commandment, but would lead her to an eternity outside the Celestial Kingdom. The other choice would defy her parents, possibly sacrificing the acceptance and approval of her parents, but open the doorway to exaltation. Like Adam and Eve, who had to choose between obedience and eternal innocence or obtaining the knowledge of the Gods and a posterity by partaking of the forbidden fruit. Which choice would bring about the greater good? God will let us choose, but the Celestial Kingdom cannot be obtained without sacrifice.

Nevertheless, our sacrifices are recognized by the Lord. He will bless us more than we can imagine. When Peter asked the Lord about the status of him and his brethren who had forsaken all their worldly affairs to follow him, Jesus answered, "Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life." (Mark 10 29-30)

A Chosen People

The Lord has sought to preserve a "chosen people," often by restricting them from marrying outside their faith. The apostle Paul wrote:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

To become sons and daughters, offspring of an Exalted Father, requires that we enter into a covenant relationship with him as a married couple. The very purpose of our Creation depends upon finding an eternal companion and keeping sacred covenants. We do not enter the highest degree of celestial glory singly or separately.

"Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 11:11)

"Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory. For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever...Broad is the gate, and wide the way that leadeth to the deaths; and many there are that go in thereat, because they receive me not, neither do they abide in my law." (Doctrine and Covenants 132:16-17, 25)

Solomon, Ezra, the Levites, and the Dangers of 'Strange Wives'

The scriptures give us examples of once-righteous men who married women outside the covenant people and were led astray. For example, Solomon (who saw the Lord twice) allowed himself to be led into idolatry because he was "unequally yoked" with nonbelievers.

"But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; Of the nations concerning which the Lord said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. And Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord, and went not fully after the Lord, as did David his father. Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon. And likewise did he for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods. And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the Lord God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice, And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the Lord commanded." (1 Kings 11:1-10)

In Ezra's case, he received the commandment that the Levites, who were to resume the service of the temple, would have to divorce the wives they had taken from among the heathen during the period of their captivity.

"And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel. Now therefore make confession unto the Lord God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives. Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As thou hast said, so must we do. But the people are many, and it is a time of much rain, and we are not able to stand without, neither is this a work of one day or two: for we are many that have transgressed in this thing." (Ezra 10:10-13)

The Lord had consecrated the Levites for the service of his holy house. There were expectations he had of them. It must have been an enormous sacrifice for them, yet God did not hesitate to demand it of them and his prophet did not shun the duty to inform them of their obligations. Likewise, latter-day saints hold the keys of the priesthood of God in this dispensation. We are a "peculiar people" and a "holy nation." The children of those who have been born in the covenant, sealed to their parents, have sacred missions foreordained unto them. We have the obligation to teach them in the strongest terms to marry within our religion.

Counsel from Church Leaders

President John Taylor, said:

"Our daughters should be taught to control their feelings and affections, and not let them go out without any regard to these circumstances to which I have alluded. A woman should be exceedingly careful, a girl should be exceedingly careful, and parents should be exceedingly careful in instilling into her mind the principles that must be observed by her and by her husband to obtain exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom of God. How often is it the case among us, that women desirous of salvation are compelled to leave their husbands that become drunken, that become apostates, that become careless and indifferent, that do something or other that forfeits their standing in the Church of Christ? And then what is to become of such women? According to our faith no woman should be connected with a man who cannot save her in the Celestial Kingdom of God. What I mean by this is: if a man apostatizes and breaks covenants and loses his standing in the Church of Christ, he is not in a fit condition to save himself, much less to lead his wife aright. He cannot lead her in the path of exaltation, because he has turned aside from that path; he has gone into another path. If she follow him, she will follow him to destruction; she will take the downward road. She will never find, while following him, and he in that condition, the path of salvation."

"It is not right to allow apostates to marry our daughters, nor for our sons to marry apostates. This is all wrong, and we should guard against it, and use all the influence in our power to prevent it." (Discourse delivered by President John Taylor, Ogden, Sunday, October 19th, 1884, JD Volume 25, emphasis added)

I have recently written an opinion that, when a woman's own salvation is threatened by her husband's descent into apostasy and anti-Mormonism, wherein he actively seeks to undermine and destroy the faith of his wife and children, separation and divorce may be prayerfully considered as an option. This opinion has been scathingly attacked by ex-Mormon apostates and dismay has been expressed, even by some members of the Church. However, this opinion is consistent with Church leaders who have discussed this situation.

Joseph F. Smith succinctly stated, "It is the duty of the woman to follow the man in Christ, not out of him." (JD 16:247. See Ibid., 4:165; 24:171)

Elder Moses Thatcher said, "The allegiance of a wife in this Church is not due to an unfaithful, deceiving or cruel husband. And he who regards his wife as the creature of his sinful pleasure, made and given to gratify his fallen nature is unworthy of a wife or to be the father of children. If a marriage is dragging a woman down to the point where her very salvation is in jeopardy, divorce may be her only recourse. It is one thing to go to hell to save sinners and quite another to remain there with them. Jesus did the former, not the latter." (emphasis added)

President Joseph F. Smith admitted that divorce is sometimes a necessary step in saving one's own soul.

"If a man and woman should be joined together who are incompatible to each other it would be a mercy to them to be separated that they might have a chance to find other spirits that will be congenial to them. We may bind on earth and it will be bound in Heaven, and loose on earth and it will be loosed in Heaven"

"Incompatibility is a valid ground for divorce if it stems from a basic and unalterable disharmony of natures. Its heights and depths must be honestly surveyed, however, lest acute differences be confused with chronic ones or a passing rude blast be taken for a prevailing wind. But if the incompatibility is profound and unchangeable, it should be faced. Remaining with a false religion will not transform it into a true one. We can only repent of it by apostatizing from it. When fundamentally dissimilar natures are joined together, time and truth will eventually sever them apart. No false alliance can endure."

I would suggest that apostasy of a spouse would qualify as incompatibility when it is determined to be "profound and unchangeable." The relationship is doomed if one of the parties will not relent from their positions, one faithful to the Church and the other determined to destroy it.

Any bishop or stake president will be extremely cautious when counseling a couple whether to remain married or to divorce. It is too personal of a decision and it literally impacts the eternal outcome of the lives of those involved. I have seen bishops counsel separation and divorce in cases of physical abuse or sexual abuse of children. I would venture to say that an apostate husband who seeks to destroy his wife's relationship with God would qualify as a spiritual form of abuse. The treachery and deceit involved would undermine trust essential to the continuance of the marriage covenant. A man or woman who would abandon sacred covenants made with God would just as easily abandon covenants made with his or her spouse.

Perhaps most surprisingly is the word of the Lord himself to Martin Harris. Harris' wife was a constant detractor of the Church. She was always critical of her husband's role and involvement. It is believed by many that she had a role in the disappearance of the lost pages of the Book of Mormon manuscript. Although she was never a member of the Church, she became a serious detriment to the spiritual progress of Martin Harris. In Section 19 of the Doctrine and Covenants, verse 36, the Lord commanded him to "Leave thy house and home, except when thou shalt desire to see thy family...." This was not a mission call. Martin Harris divorced his wife shortly after receiving this revelation.

More recently, Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated that divorce should not be the first consideration of a couple experiencing marital troubles, but that it is an option.

"There are many good Church members who have been divorced. I speak first to them. We know that many of you are innocent victims—members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce. When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it." (Dallin H. Oaks, “Divorce,” Ensign, May 2007, 70–73)

In this same talk, Elder Oaks also said:

"Now I speak to married members, especially to any who may be considering divorce. I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache."

In the case of an apostate spouse who seeks to destroy the other's faith, which of the couple has greater need of repentance? Why is it that the apostate must insist that his opinion is the one to which the entire family must conform? Is it not just as reasonable to expect that, despite his personal abandonment of the "iron rod" that his wife and children should have the liberty to exercise their faith unmolested? Nevertheless, it is the default position of every apostate I have encountered, that they are unwilling to allow their wife or children to continue in the Church without sniping at them or causing contention.

In particular, President Hinckley and Elder Holland also mentioned that divorce might be considered in cases of spousal abuse, domestic violence, and child abuse. Spiritual abuse may be defined as Elder Oaks described it: when one spouse persistently betrays sacred covenants for an extended period of time. I think the case can be made for spiritual abuse in a recent example here on S.P.A.M, where an ex-Mormon apostate, Atilano Alexander, was shown to be involved in deceit and conspiracy against his own wife, as he consorted with strangers on the Internet in ongoing efforts to undermine her faith in the Lord and the restored gospel.

To those who would dispute or insinuate doubt about the care, concern, and inspiration of bishops and stake presidents to counsel and advise members who suffer from neglect, abuse, or other forms of sinful behavior, Elder Boyd K. Packer said:

'We, like Jacob, must teach “according to the strict commands of God,” “notwithstanding the greatness of the task.” Like Jacob, we also run the risk of enlarging “the wounds of those who are already wounded, instead of consoling and healing their wounds.” When we speak plainly of divorce, abuse, gender identity, contraception, abortion, parental neglect, we are thought by some to be way out of touch or to be uncaring. Some ask if we know how many we hurt when we speak plainly. Do we know of marriages in trouble, of the many who remain single, of single-parent families, of couples unable to have children, of parents with wayward children, or of those confused about gender? Do we know? Do we care? Those who ask have no idea how much we care; you know little of the sleepless nights, of the endless hours of work, of prayer, of study, of travel—all for the happiness and redemption of mankind. Because we do know and because we do care, we must teach the rules of happiness without dilution, apology, or avoidance. That is our calling. (Boyd K. Packer, “The Father and the Family,” Ensign, May 1994, 19)

Counsel given to individuals in confidential interviews are not discussed with those not involved in the process. One must be careful not to judge the parties involved or the priesthood leader's counsel which is tailored by inspiration to the needs of those he counsels. Thus one stake president may counsel a couple to try to stay together and work out differences while he may encourage another to separate from one another.

In the aforementioned discourse on divorce by Elder Oaks, he counseled:

"Bishops do not counsel members to divorce, but they can help members with the consequences of their decisions. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages...

"Of course, there can be times when one spouse falls short and the other is wounded and feels pain. When that happens, the one who is wronged should balance current disappointments against the good of the past and the brighter prospects of the future...

"If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."

Those suggestions of prayer, kneeling together, and seeking the healing power of the Atonement depend on both parties in the marriage being believers in those principles and practices. When one spouse openly ridicules and belittles his former beliefs and the current ones of his spouse, a desired reconciliation is unlikely. In that case, it is more likely that "peace" can only be obtained by the faithful spouse surrendering his or her faith, and the promises of exaltation, for the benefit of a tenuous temporal truce.

Of this situation, the words of Jesus Christ come to mind:

"Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:37)

Counsel from the Scriptures

One critic of my position said that my opinion was in opposition to the teachings of the Bible. I have already shown from the Old Testament that the Lord has an expectation that his covenant people will show their faithfulness by marrying others in the bounds of his covenant. I suppose that my critic was referring to this counsel of Paul to the Corinthians:

"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:10-16)

The assertion would be (using this scripture in isolation, without the context of the other scriptures such as the one that says to not be "unequally yoked with nonbelievers") that the faithful partner would somehow sanctify and save his or her partner. This is a manipulation of the scriptures to satisfy one's own desires, to keep a righteous spouse entangled in a no-win situation. In the Doctrine and Covenants, Joseph Smith explained this passage of scripture more plainly, showing it to be about the practice of circumcision and the observance of the Mosaic Law by "part member families" in the Meridian of Time.

"FOR the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; else were your children unclean, but now are they holy. Now, in the days of the apostles the law of circumcision was had among all the Jews who believed not the gospel of Jesus Christ. And it came to pass that there arose a great contention among the people concerning the law of circumcision, for the unbelieving husband was desirous that his children should be circumcised and become subject to the law of Moses, which law was fulfilled. And it came to pass that the children, being brought up in subjection to the law of Moses, gave heed to the traditions of their fathers and believed not the gospel of Christ, wherein they became unholy. Wherefore, for this cause the apostle wrote unto the church, giving unto them a commandment, not of the Lord, but of himself, that a believer should not be united to an unbeliever; except the law of Moses should be done away among them, That their children might remain without circumcision; and that the tradition might be done away, which saith that little children are unholy; for it was had among the Jews; But little children are holy, being sanctified through the atonement of Jesus Christ; and this is what the scriptures mean." (Doctrine and Covenants 74:1-7)

In particular, it seems that men who apostatize seem to hang this New Testament passage over their wife's head, urging her "Let not the wife depart from her husband..." while using his evil influence to undermine her faith. As you can see from the interpretation in D&C 74, that this would be wresting the scripture to mean something that was not intended.

There are many wonderful nonmembers who are peacefully married to latter-day saints who allow their spouses complete freedom to worship and raise their children in our faith. Many of these individuals, over the course of the years, will come into the fold themselves. It is common for family members to come into the Church one at a time of the space of several months or years. What we call "part-member families" is generally a very fruitful missionary field, because they can see the blessings of the Church in the lives of their spouses and children. They come to desire what the Church offers. The relationships here are not antagonistic and are generally supportive or tolerant.

The apostle Paul also gave the following counsel to husbands and wives in the Church:

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.... "(Ephesians 5:23-29)

The expectation in the marriage relationship is that the husband will serve the Lord, caring and sacrificing for his wife as the Lord did for the Church. The wife will reciprocate his devotion, as both of them submit to the will of Christ. There is NO OBLIGATION for a believing wife to follow her husband into apostasy. If he does not love you "as Christ loved the Church" and instead seeks to destroy your faith, you are justified in saving yourself and your children.

The apostle Peter advised, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (1 Peter 3:7)

Being "heirs together of the grace of life" is exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom. Are your prayers "hindered" because of the faithlessness and antagonism of a spouse who has apostatized?

A man who turns against the Lord, crucifying him anew and putting him to an open shame (Hebrews 6:6, Doctrine and Covenants 76:35) will not treat his wife in this manner. The spirit of the Adversary will not let him rest. He will constantly seek to demean, to ridicule, to antagonize, and eventually demand compliance to his will instead of the Lord's. He will force the wife to choose between him and the Church. When that moment comes, remember these words of the Prophet Joseph Smith:

For a man [or woman] to lay down his all, his character and reputation, his honor and applause, his good name among men, his houses, his lands, his brothers and sisters, his wife and children, and even his own life also—counting all things but filth and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ—requires more than mere belief or supposition that he is doing the will of God; but actual knowledge, realizing that, when these sufferings are ended he will enter into eternal rest, and be a partaker of the glory of God…. A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for, from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things. It was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life. (Lectures on Faith, p. 58.)

It is the spirit of the Adversary that would teach you that you have no option but to stay with a husband or wife that has not only left the Church, but now fights against it. The teachings of general authorities past and present teach that divorce in such situations, when prayerfully considered and confirmed by the Spirit of God, is a righteous choice. The scriptures teach us that nothing should ever come between you and your relationship with God. They teach us that any sacrifice we make for God's kingdom will be made up to us in the resurrection. Satan would have you believe that you have no options, no support, and no way to keep your family and your children. If you will keep the commandments, all things are possible. I recognize that it will be painful. Entry into the Celestial Kingdom requires sacrifice, sometimes great sacrifice. You may have to walk by faith for a time, but the Lord will deliver you. You are entitled to happiness and it is out there. You are not trapped by your circumstances. Have faith in God's promises. He will not deny you your righteous desires if you are willing to follow Christ no matter what.

I testify that Jesus Christ lives. I know he loves us and that he will stand by us in all things. I know that he will bless the obedient and that he will protect you and prepare the way for your escape from temptation and sin. Trust him in all things.

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